Snow Angels!

Thursday, July 31st, 2008 | Travel | No Comments

I never got to do a snow-angel.

Last weekend, I ventured down to Thredbo to get me some hot, hot snow action. There was loads of snow, and lots of action but it wasn’t very hot. In fact, it was fkin freezing. After organising all the appropriate equipment, skis, boots, poles and hot chocolate, we set out for a day of skiing. Well, I was a little frightened at first - but after I had my first stack (head first, backwards, downhill at 30mph) I kinda figured that what didn’t kill me could only make me stronger. In fact, my first stack had all the comedic elements required to reduce my Bestest into a pile of giggling Gortex. First came the swearing, then the wobbling, then the falling. After the falling came the tumbling, the sliding, punctuated by frequent and loud cursing. I then hit the final mogul, flipped feet over face, and somehow landed back on two skis.

“What? I totally meant to do that.”

The Thredbo chairlifts were also much more genteel than their Bulgarian counterparts - none of them threatened to beat me up. Even the T-Bars were polite and curteous. There was only one small incident when I dropped one of my gloves. I did say quite clearly “Shit, dropped glove, bailing, see you at the top.” At this, I then inched my arse off the T-bar and went and rescued poor glove.

What Heidi heard was something like “Shit, blah blah, mumble” at which point, I then fell sideways and landed ungracefully in a pile of my own limbs. I got my glove in the end, so it really doesn’t matter now anyway. Shuddup.

In fact, the only down side to the whole weekend was waking up on Sunday morning after “Lets do another Jager-bomb” Saturday. Now THAT was painful.

4 Dickheads in Mordor.

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 | Travel | 2 Comments

It’s quite possible to accidently climb a mountain.

See, I’m a bit of a geek, and I was touring around NZ with a car load of randoms that I met on the internet. It wasn’t an online dating site, before you ask, it was a Lord of the Rings fan site. We all met up in Auckland to travel around NZ and see all the filming locations prior to going to see the premiere of ‘Fellowship of the Ring’. You don’t need to tell me just how nerdy that makes me sound! I dig Lord of the Rings, and for a very long while I held ambitions to get into digital special effects. Thus, I was totally consumed by anything to do with the production of the Rings films.

So much so, that I decided that it’d be great to see the location where they filmed Mordor. That was half way up Mt Tongariro. It was going great, right up until the weather set in while we were half way at the top. Visibility dropped to 5m and the rains set in. It was a total white-out – and so damn eerie! Without a guide to pick us up, we had two choices:

1. Go back down the mountain, sit in the rain for 4 hours and try not to die of frostbite, or
2. Climb up and over the top of the mountain without having the faintest clue where you’re heading, other than vaguely towards a Rangers Hut you heard somebody mention by accident a few hours ago.

In hindsight, it sounds really dumb to climb a mountain with only 5m visibility, but we totally climbed the mountain. It was all going slowly but fine until the weather really picked up and we were hit with 80km winds. Four stupid tourists stuck on a mountain in a storm!

We got there in the end without having to mobilise the NZ emergency services, but we never got to see Mordor properly.

Stuffed if I’m ever going back though! They can shove their Mordor right up their Lord of the Rings.

Back from outter space

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 | Travel | 1 Comment

The holiday was grand.

To spend such a prolonged period away from all types of technology was pure and total bliss. The closest I got to any type of communication device was the 2-way radio that we used while sailing around the coral coves and blue waters.

“Whitsunday Rent-a-Yacht, Whitsunday Rent-a-Yacht, This is Champaign Blue, Over.”

The weather wasn’t particularly kind to us. Cyclone Odette formed, shat all over us, then disapeared before making landfall and actually giving us some much needed rain. Despite this, we managed to do a little bit of snorkelling, sailing, fishing, playing poker, eating and a whole LOAD of drinking. The drinking was the best bit. Dont get me wrong, the fish were cool too, but there’s less chance of being eaten by a shark when you’re above board. And we did see sharks.

The quality of the alcohol was aptly demonstrated by one of our bleary-eyed morning check-ins.

Yent-A-Racht, er… Yent-a-Racht, this is Champaign Blue.
-pause-
We’re in Pearl Harbour.

Actually, we weren’t in Hawaii. We were in Blue Pearl Bay, which was quite close symantically, but oceans away geographically.

Much fun was had by all - and by some blessing I managed to survive a whole week in the tropics without suffering heatstroke, sunburn or sea sickness.

(I’m saying nothing about hangovers!)

Moses and the Outlaws

Friday, March 3rd, 2006 | Good Days, Travel | No Comments

The last 20 days have been very hectic, very erratic, and very alcoholic. Mr Frog’s parents, The Outlaws, were staying with us and helping us move house. Without their help, I’d still be cleaning walls in the rental house, and busting a vein in my neck trying to lift a fridge. It hasn’t been all hard work though. We didn’t ask them to fly half way across the planet just so we could employ them as cheap slave labour for Operation House Shift. Although, a lot of the time, I bet they felt just like cheap slave labour. Especially in the heat. The pay was pretty shit, too.

Staggering amounts of Wine and Whiskey were consumed in the effort. Somehow, we got all of our furniture halfway across the City without any breakages.

We went to Fraser Island. We saw Fraser Island sink underneath a deluge of biblical proportions. We hired the worlds oldest 4×4 from a bloke who bought it off Moses. Big Red; A more noble and indestructable vehicle I have yet to meet. When Moses crossed the Red Sea, he filled Big Red full of beer and fishing tackle.

Pah! to your poxy Nissan’s and City Cowboy Trash. These days, we use the ferry to get to Fraser Island, but the tray of Big Red contains the same stuff - beer and fishing tackle. Mr Outlaw (Mr Frog’s Father) kept trying to pursuade Mr Frog to drive Big Red into the ocean, just to see if the whole Moses bible thing could work. Mr Frog wasn’t totally convinced, so kept to the dunes, when they were visible beneath the deluge. (Beginning to think we should have had Noah’s 4×4, and told Moses to go spin…)

And we drank lots of wine. And beer. And somehow, the boys seemed to get their way through a few tankards of Whiskey…

In the last 20 days, I’ve moved house, had a week off work, and sunk a year’s worth of beer in 6 days flat. There were no fish to be had, though. They’d read the weather report and stayed at home… clever bastards. However, with all the alcohol floating about, I’m not sure anybody cared.

This morning, Mr Frog and I drove the Outlaws to the airport. It was sad to see them both toddle off. I miss them terribly, but I just had to go to the airport - Just to make sure they left the country.

The Outlaw trip 2006 -
Here for a good time. Not a long time.
(Thank god for that!)

New Zealand

Monday, October 31st, 2005 | Travel | No Comments

The gods are trying to tell me something.

Everybody in my life is going, or has gone, to New Zealand except me. I’m being left out here, and I dont like it!!

Kia Ora Kiwiland.

What one does

Wednesday, June 1st, 2005 | Travel | No Comments

I know I haven’t summarised Australia yet. I know that.

I have many photos to share with you all, many quaint little stories to tell about the day Mr Frog met the rest of my family, and loads and loads of useless bits of information regarding Kuala Lumpur International Airport.

However, before I get all nostalgic about the tour of Oz That Was, I may need to let you all know that I’ll be leaving the UK.

For good.

Ka Put.

See, while we were studying the East Terminal of Kuala Lumpur International Airport on our unexpected 7 hour delay visit, Mr Frog got bored to death. And opened the laptop. And found a job advert, a job advert in Brisbane Australia. Applied for it.

“Why the hell not?”

Meanwhile, I’m thoroughly enjoying the captive shopping potential and rushing about angsting over Body Shop Glitter Brushes - For only £3! Buy one and get a second one for twice the price! Malaysians are militant about their shopping deals. I’m on holiday, damnit. Sell me stuff I will never use!

To make a long story a little less lengthy, Mr Frog got the job. The job in Brisbane, Australia.

So the Frogs are Brisbane Bound.

Anybody fancy a second-hand Body Shop Glitter Brush?