Haiku

Monday, May 21st, 2007 | Idiocy, Insanity | 2 Comments

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator

Enough Rope

Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 | Good Days, Insanity, Work | 6 Comments

This past weekend was a long weekend. The Frog family usually celebrates long weekends by tackling some mamoth task, such as renovating the bathroom, or the wardrobe or the front yard. This weekend was no different. We hired heavy equipment and invested in some serious power tools.

We also invested in some rope.

As you can see from the image above, there was a serious amount of rope to be untangled. 50 metres of rope.

50 metres of rope that had a self-tangling mechanism. We paid extra for the pre-installed knots.

The job was also hindered by a serious and life threatening case of saggy-arse.

At this point in time, you can almost read the body language.
I’m going to untangle this bloody rope or die in the attempt.
I’m nothing if not a persistant stubborn bastard.
Fucking rope.

I’ve almost lost the will to live.
Why the fuck did we buy so much rope?

You cant see me. You cant see the rope.
This is my Jedi Rope Unknotting Trick.
You can’t see the handsaw that I’m about to use to teach that bloody rope a lesson.

Thankfully, the rest of the weekend was quite productive. I taught that bloody rope a lesson or two. I tied it in the knot to end all knots. Scientists will be marvelling at my knots in centuries to come.

Totally and utterly knotted. I finally got around to helping out around the yard.

Surprising what a little bit of elbow grease achieves. Lucky I taught that damned rope a lesson!

Stay Tuned! Next week:

Episode Two: Revenge of the Rope.

It’s all good

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 | Good Days, Insanity | 3 Comments

After yesterday, I needed to have a day kinda like today.

Today was manic. I was running around like chihuahua on amphetamines for a great deal of the day. That’s a disturbing image, and also quite accurate. I was busy. I could get back to doing the job that I love, the job the I originally signed up for. Busy. Productive.

Today, I felt like I had an impact on the staff and the projects that I addressed. Sure, I lost a contract that I had tendered for, but you cant win ‘em all. Additionally, we’ve had some good legal advice - and we’re totally in the right. From now on, I’m going to trust my gut feelings. Gut feelings are good. Except when they involve curry. After curry, gut feelings are bad. But legal advice is always good.

On top of everything else, I helped organise an Easter Egg Treasure Hunt for the rest of the staff. Nice little clues and hints hidden all over the office, just to bring a bit of a laugh to everybody’s day.

I’m back on form. As one friend once told me - Choose your attitude. My attitude for the day was a little bigger than I anticipated.

My attitude was set to a theme song: Eye of the Tiger.
My attitude had bright red nail polish, and a sexy black dress.

Fuck you, I’m fabulous.

Poop

Friday, January 6th, 2006 | Insanity | 2 Comments

Different people have different pooping experiences.

Mr Frog likes to enjoy the time spent on the toilet by reading. He will read anything in order to make good use of the time.

I know other people who struggle with their poop, where they have to plead and beg with their bowels in order to have regular motions. I’ve been there, and I sympathise with these people.

Mr Frog’s brother has his own special poop language, where he “Drops the kids off to school” in varying degrees. Depending on the time of day and the situation, the kids may be reluctant, or really quite excited about their day at school.

Me, I poop just like everybody else. However, what scares the living shit out of me (pardon the pun) is when you have a satisfying poop and then when you go to flush the bowl - there’s nothing there!!

Did you poop?

Or did you just think you pooped?

If you think you pooped, but really didnt, is there any need to flush the toilet? In fact, is there need to wipe and wash your hands??

If you constantly Phantom Poop, is there cause for alarm? Perhaps you’re actually constipated, and merely thinking about pooping to make yourself feel better. Psychological Pooping Reflex.

Needless to say, I feel really stupid, standing with my pants around my ankles looking at a totally empty toilet bowl trying to decide weather I should flush or not.

Curiosity

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 | Culture Clash, Insanity, University | No Comments

When I was a student, I had a small fridge in my college room. Within this fridge, I kept beer, chocolate and emergency food supplies for when the Russians invaded Toowoomba.

I shared this college lifestyle with 20 other people - other Engineering students, drunk Nurses, bleached and dyed Art students and the occasional Mad Science student.

It was widely understood that most of the students did not possess the sophistication to use utensils when they ate, nor did they wash their hands after visiting the toilet. In effect, we were a band of smelly bipeds who read books and dallied about in Lecture theatres. Monkey’s gaining education.

Many other people in my college had fridges, in addition to the common-room fridge. All except the Science students. These people used the Common-Room fridge with sole exclusion. It was their Petri dish.

Some claimed that the Common-Room Fridge contained the only culture in the college. Some of the bacteria had evolved intelligence, and had commenced a Bachelor of Education.

Now that I’ve graduated, I find that fridges are my friend. Mostly.

At present, I have two fridges, my old college friend, and a newer and slightly larger kitchen fridge. Both of which, are overflowing due to my recent Christmas Cooking episodes.

I made 24 mince pies the other night! All of this cooking must go somewhere, and this somewhere happens to be the freezer. To the expense of all else.

To my utter horror and revulsion, Mr Frog found a lonely recycled margarine container sitting on the top of the fridge last night. How long it had been there was anybody’s guess. I’m guessing that it was over 3 weeks.

This container had been displaced by Christmas Cooking and container had once contained frozen bacon. What was now contained in this margarine container had evolved to a state where it was learning to play Christmas Carols on the banjo. I’ve seen bipeds with less coordination than the contents previously known as Bacon, now known as George.

After a brief discussion, Mr Frog and I agreed to set George free. George was thrilled with this arrangement, but demanded that we provide him with a suitcase, some pocket money and a bus ticket.

Disgusted by his audacity, we threw George out on his arse.

Thankfully, the garbage men are coming around to collect George today, so we wont have to listen to his muffled cries for mercy from the bottom of the wheelie bin.

Hungry Day

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | Insanity | No Comments

Just like some people complain about Bad Hair days, I have Hungry days. Days where I could eat twice my own body weight, and still be looking for after-dinner mints.

I ate breakfast way too fast. It was finished before I managed to pick up the spoon. I upped the bowl and sloshed the whole bowl of Kelloggs Special K straight into my mouth. I even did that satisfying ‘back of hand’ wipe accross my mouth.

I blew out of the house like Taz, in search of my next feed. Unfortunatly, that feed was delayed by the necessities of public transport and my frustrating obligation to be at work by a certain time. Curses.

Once at work, I raided my stash of Museli Bars, and then picked the wrappers out of my teeth. Once I had demolished those, my nose picked up the unique smell of the lolly jar - Snakes Alive.

All Hail the Lolly Jar. Amen!

So, now I owe the Lolly Jar about $10 worth of sweets, and now I feel like I’m looking around for the main course.

It’s only when I realise that I forgot to have dinner last night that everything falls into place.
Must. Remember. To. Eat.

Daily Yodaism:

No dinner does a hungry girl make. MMMmmm.