All messed up

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 | Bad Days, Good Days, Idiocy, Insanity | 1 Comment

Right now, my brain resembles overcooked scrambled eggs.

I don’t have the mental capacity to put this all into an entertaining format. Disappointingly, I’m going to resort to blogging via dot-point. Deal with it.

• When something totally unexpected happens, roll with it.
• Brisbane River is very pretty at night
• My knee has a few issues.
• My knee has fewer issues than my brain
• Writing reports when incapacitated by lack of sleep results in really interesting phrases.
  “[Company] has to drastically rethink the overall ERP strategy because the existing one sucks arse.”
• The best misheard lyric of all time has to be from Robert Palmers “Addicted to Love”.
  “May as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove….”
• Misheard lyrics such as above are particularly hilarious when you’ve had no sleep.
• Not even Coffee is doing it for me today.
• Panicking about things rarely helps. I really need to chill the fk out.
• My first aid cert is due for renewal. The thought of making out with a plastic dummy is so very unappealing right now.

Kitchen Recipe.

Thursday, August 28th, 2008 | Cyclone Joan, DIY, Good Days | 4 Comments

Ingredients:
Handful of mad women.
1 patient bloke.
1 Chinese Flat-pack Kitchen
2 Hammers
1 Drill
1 HUGE DRILL BIT SET (oh baby!)

Firstly, it’s essential to find a kitchen that is in dire need of a good face lift. This kitchen is screaming for it - In fact, the only thing salvagable in this kitchen is the coffee machine!

Find one idiot who’s game enough to manage the project, and try and sweet-talk tradies into lending a hand at very short notice. It helps if this person is a female, as the “dumb blonde” routine doesn’t work so well with men.

A cute dog isn’t necessary, but is helpful.

At this point, add a liberal dose of anger-management issues to the frey. Destruction is a physical form of psychological therapy. USE THE FORCE SOME FORCE, LUKE.

At this point, you need a drill. A nice, new, shiney, sparkly, cordless drill. Try not to be too excited about this, as it can be a little scary for those around you.

At this point, the old kitchen will look something like this - A total and utter disaster zone. This is normal. Dont panic. Just keep destrying dismantling things.

At this point, you may like to involve a few tradies. Have them give the kitchen the “once over” as they may like to knock some holes in the wall as well.

At this point, add your Patient Bloke and a few Mad Women. Please be careful not to add too many Mad Women, as this may result in total and utter chaos. Please remember that constructing a kitchen IS NOTHING LIKE PATCHWORK.

If too many Mad Women are added, please make one go and stand in the “Time Out” corner until they calm down. At this stage, you should start to see some of the framework emerging from the ashes.

Dont forget that “Time Out” corner will stop being an effective way of controlling Mad Women once the corner looks as cool as this one.

At this point, the Patient Man will be worth his weight in gold. You wont actually be able to finish a kitchen without this man, so make sure there is plenty of beer around.

Mad Women and Patient Men - A very potent and dangerous combination.

At this stage, your new kitchen will be starting to take shape. (Please excuse the over-excited Mad Woman)

It’s possible to see the shape that the new kitchen is forming - there’s still a long way to go! At this point, you need to give your friendly stonemason a call and let him know that your kitchen is all super shipshape. If the cabinets are not square at this point then do some last minute panicing.

Benchtops!! Huzzah!

Garnish with a little creative tile-work and your new kitchen is complete!

What a pity I cant cook!

House warmed.

Monday, August 18th, 2008 | Good Days | 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, I held a bit of a shindig at Casa Del Frog. It was a little bit of a party to celebrate the official-ness of my ownership of the house, and also to welcome a new member of the household. It was a rather fantastic day, starting at around 1pm and kicking on well into the night.

A great deal of people joined in, and I’m very relieved that there was no “nuding up” at all, but I cant help but notice how smug Nat looks in this photo. Cosy, much?

Everybody got properly slaughtered and there was a lot of food consumed. A LOT of food. The BBQ was fired up on three seperate occasions, with much and plenty of all types of cuisine. At one point Cyclone Joan asked me the name of a certain chicken dish. At which point I described the delecate cullinary delight: “It’s chicken. On a stick.”

A chef, I am not.

It was great to spend a day with close friends - we talked and drank and laughed about old times, while creating a few new stories to relive. Meep.

The little house in Camp Hill has now been sufficiently warmed and the new housemate has been properly welcomed into the fold.

Welcome to Casa Del Frog, Juliegirl.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Thursday, August 14th, 2008 | Good Days | 1 Comment

Today, I slipped.

I am a recovered Geekaholic, and my addiction to tech toys has in the past overcome my better judgement. JB Hi-Fi catalogues were like geek-porn - lusting after the latest gadget that I simply couldn’t live without. As it happens, I actually can live without an iPhone - and have done quite well without a Wii Fit. For quite a while, I’ve been on the wagon and quite happy with my lot. There are seven steps to recovery, and up until today, I was making some great progress. I can walk past a JB Hi-Fi sale now without even leaving drool marks on their window displays. (That was getting rather embarasing, really.)

That is, up until today.

Forgive me Father, because I have sinned. I jumped off the wagon with both feet at once, yelling and cheering.

Today, I replaced my darling old camera. It served me well for several years, however it’s high time that the poor little thing retired to a sunny villa in the south of spain. Adios, amigo.

And hello, Sexy New Camera!!!

It’s very similar to the old one, only it’s 10Mp with one whopping great big screen on the back of it! Love. I am in Love.

I’m now hovering over the charger cradle like an axious parent waiting for my little gem to be fully charged. CHARGE QUICKER DAMN YOU!

Pictures and such to follow very, very soon.

Dont die wondering

Thursday, June 28th, 2007 | Good Days, Idiocy, Insanity, Work | No Comments

I’ve spoken before about the personality traits that run through my family. When my mother and father look at me, they dont have to ponder at length on where I get my tenacity, stubborness and smart mouth from. Along with these traits, my rather generous genes have provided me with fair skin (carcinoma, thank you so very bloody much), blue eyes (glaucoma) and strong healthy bones (read: heavy frame and fat ass). I cant wait to have children so I can pass all of this hereditary bullshit on to another generation!

In any case, of all of my brothers and sisters, I am one of the few who hasn’t jumped in with both feet. Am I ready for the plunge?

Ahhh, bugger it! I’ll let you know what the water is like.

Dont die wondering.

Excuses

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007 | Good Days | No Comments

As many of you know, I am constantly fighting with my weight. It’s a genetic thing, one that I inherited from my Nana on my Dad’s side.

Nana Ruby told me the story of how her and my Papa met. Her and her sister were all dolled up, crisply pressed and set to stun. My Papa spied these two phillies across the dance hall and told his friend - “Ok mate, you take the tall blond good looking one, and I’ll take the chubby one.” I dont need to detail what happened then, because Nana and Papa Doyle spawned a generation of chubby smartarses. The world hasn’t been the same since.

Recently, I went on the Tony Furguson diet and had a moderate amount of success. At my best, I’d lost 14kgs, which for me was amazing. Since then, I’ve been on holidays, partied quite hard, and undone a lot of my hard work. My arse, that I strived so hard to lose - found me again. I’ve slipped a little bit which means its now time to go back onto the low-carb thing once more.

No spuds, no pasta, no rice, no crusty fresh bread - NO ARSE!

So this is my reward scale - with little goals along the way:

1kg - new nail polish
2kg - Bag of really nice coffee beans
3kg - Breakfast at David’s off Oxford
4kg - Magazine subscription
5kg - New set of gym clothes
6kg - New Perfume
7kg - Pedicure
8kg - Massage!

So, at the end of that I will be fabulous, minus the caboose. I will also be broke, but hey… life is more than a bank balance!