When I grow up, I wanna be a….

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 | DIY | 1 Comment

Stormtrooper, apparently.

My white armour arrived in the mail yesterday. As soon as I got it all home, I unwrapped it and fitted it together. I’m a little worried, as I’m going to have to tailor the plastic substantially in order to get it to fit me. It’s been designed for a 8′ Sasquatch.

My helmet is also on its way, with thanks to Ben-at-Home who is doing me the worlds biggest favor by delivering it. At this stage in time, I’m having serious separation anxiety and starting to obsess over all the minutia like Gollum on a bad day.

I’m now trying to work out how to put it all together. I think I have a nice little strategy all sorted out, involving glue, press-studs and bra-straps. but I’m going to clarify a few things with Cyclone Joan before I bust out the sewing machine.

Tags: 501st, armour, Cyclone Joan

Kitchen Recipe.

Thursday, August 28th, 2008 | Cyclone Joan, DIY, Good Days | 4 Comments

Ingredients:
Handful of mad women.
1 patient bloke.
1 Chinese Flat-pack Kitchen
2 Hammers
1 Drill
1 HUGE DRILL BIT SET (oh baby!)

Firstly, it’s essential to find a kitchen that is in dire need of a good face lift. This kitchen is screaming for it - In fact, the only thing salvagable in this kitchen is the coffee machine!

Find one idiot who’s game enough to manage the project, and try and sweet-talk tradies into lending a hand at very short notice. It helps if this person is a female, as the “dumb blonde” routine doesn’t work so well with men.

A cute dog isn’t necessary, but is helpful.

At this point, add a liberal dose of anger-management issues to the frey. Destruction is a physical form of psychological therapy. USE THE FORCE SOME FORCE, LUKE.

At this point, you need a drill. A nice, new, shiney, sparkly, cordless drill. Try not to be too excited about this, as it can be a little scary for those around you.

At this point, the old kitchen will look something like this - A total and utter disaster zone. This is normal. Dont panic. Just keep destrying dismantling things.

At this point, you may like to involve a few tradies. Have them give the kitchen the “once over” as they may like to knock some holes in the wall as well.

At this point, add your Patient Bloke and a few Mad Women. Please be careful not to add too many Mad Women, as this may result in total and utter chaos. Please remember that constructing a kitchen IS NOTHING LIKE PATCHWORK.

If too many Mad Women are added, please make one go and stand in the “Time Out” corner until they calm down. At this stage, you should start to see some of the framework emerging from the ashes.

Dont forget that “Time Out” corner will stop being an effective way of controlling Mad Women once the corner looks as cool as this one.

At this point, the Patient Man will be worth his weight in gold. You wont actually be able to finish a kitchen without this man, so make sure there is plenty of beer around.

Mad Women and Patient Men - A very potent and dangerous combination.

At this stage, your new kitchen will be starting to take shape. (Please excuse the over-excited Mad Woman)

It’s possible to see the shape that the new kitchen is forming - there’s still a long way to go! At this point, you need to give your friendly stonemason a call and let him know that your kitchen is all super shipshape. If the cabinets are not square at this point then do some last minute panicing.

Benchtops!! Huzzah!

Garnish with a little creative tile-work and your new kitchen is complete!

What a pity I cant cook!