Boardroom Bitchface.

Thursday, December 11th, 2008 | Uncategorized

Some people laugh at me when I tell them I’m a bitch. I dont understand this reaction at all. I’m not telling a joke, I’m simply sharing an aspect of my personality. Sure, my Inner Bitch spends 95% of the time sitting in the shadows of my personality just waiting for the chance to leap out of the darkness and attack the unwary.

The people who tell me that I am too nice to be a bitch cant hear my internal monologue. Unless, of course, I’m sitting in a pointless meeting with a bunch of fools who couldn’t find a clue with a roadmap and a compass. Then, my internal monologue becomes less and less internal and more and more sharp and pointy. My Inner Bitch is now feeling rather smug.

I didn’t just end the meeting early, I terminated it and kicked them out of the building.
It’s not me, it’s you. Game over. Off you fuck.

How to piss off your Project Manager: (or, How to turn Jacqui into a snarling Hellcat).

• Send your meeting agenda at 9pm the night before.
• Turn up 10 minutes late
• Take another 10 minutes to set up your shit.
• Realise that your shit doesn’t work, so spend another 10 minutes connecting to a network far, far away to you can demo something.
• Forget that you even set an agenda, and waffle at random for an hour.
• Forget to read the project requirements specifications.
• When asked a question, answer: “I understand where you’re coming from, but No. We cant do that.”

And you know what? My Inner Bitch let out a wild cackle as they scurried out of the building. Meanwhile, they’re wondering where the hell I parked my broomstick. ROCK ON!

Tags: Inner Bitch, meeting, Work

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