We’re not in Wales anymore.

Friday, October 28th, 2005 | Culture Clash

Mr Frog and I have now been in the country for about 8 weeks. That’s quite a while, and it’s long enough to be aclimatised to the pre-summer humidity, and the nightly electrical shows that flicker over our little house.

Eight weeks, however, is not enough time to become familiar with all the creepy-crawly bug-eyed things that creep out of strange places in our house.

Toads are ugly, feral and are killing our native frogs. For these reasons (ugliness is valid as a reason) I have now taught Mr Frog to swerve his Rav 4 all over the road in order to flatten the ugly, feral and murdering toads. As a result, we both feel like Horrible People, and try to put our conscience at ease by justifying it all by imagining all the little native froggies we’ve saved.

Spiders are long and leggy and freaky looking, but in most parts, they’re not dangerous. Especially when you’re wearing steel-cap boots and you’re in easy squishing range. Or, if you have a handy can of Fly Spray and dont mind inhaling toxic vapours while you drown the bastard thing with spray goop.

Snakes, however, are a different matter. Spray doesn’t work on them. Boots are too close to my feet, and I’m quite fond of my feet the way they are.

As summer is starting to warm everything up, the snakes are out to eat, shit and fornicate. As a result, they are cranky. Cranky.

So when Mr Frog wondered why I pole-vaulted into bed, via the bathroom door and hallway light fitting, all I needed to do was point to the shaddow of my leather belt and he understood.

Leather belts that have been forgotten and left for dead on the bedroom floor do a remarkable impersonation of a Cranky Australian Snake.

1 Comment to We’re not in Wales anymore.

Leave a comment