As part of my job, I answer support calls. I've had my fair share of funnies as well as the infuriating calls where our user doesn't hesitate to bring his personal issues (or my supposed lack of competence) into the frame when dealing with a disgruntled printer (Here's a hint: They don't work if you don't switch them ON!)

All this is all part of being on a help desk, but the calls that I absolutely adore are our regulars. People who just call up, chat about the weather, chat about their families and casually say: "Oh yeah, you'll need to send out a technician because I threw my computer from our 4th story window." Lovely people. Truly. It's cathartic to speak to them in the midst of fsk when everything is fragged.

We have one regular in particular who is an absolute joy to speak to.

"Mark" calls up at least once a day. He's a NetAdmin with around 20 computers in his stable, so he naturally has more problems. He has quite a few problems; "cybercondria" is one of them. Everything is wrong, always, nothing ever works. Nevertheless, I enjoy his calls:

"I've got Netsky. The sky is falling. The Internet is DOOOOMED!"
"Bagle just ate my brain. Save me, Jacqui, darling, I'll do anything if you just get my network WORKING!"
"I've just got a virus on the Mac server! I didn't know there were Mac viruses! Woe is me!"
"Jacqui-babe. Help me. I deleted a hosts file!"

It's all straight forward things, but I just love the way he speaks. Very proper English, very endearing, always amusing. It's like liquid silk, hearing an aristocratic accent swear like a sailor. And it's always so easy to do my job when those who ask for your help believe you are the Goddess of the Internet, Patron Saint of the Pixel.

"Oh damn it, Giles! I've buggered the partition table! Do you have any champagne, my good fellow?"

A common complaint in my workplace is the steady stream of nitwits who fail to read the sign on the door.

Instead, they stand there peering around it, tapping on the glass with sad little expressions like lost homeless kittens. The first few times its ok, but after showing 40 delivery men how to read, it becomes tedious.

No, stupid. The other door. The one that is wide open?
That’s the one! You’re so clever!

Recently, our office was burgled. Some bastard threw a brick straight at the "other door" sign, smashed the glass and made off with my monitor. I was most unhappy, considering that I look at my monitor all day. Also, because the dumb bastard didn’t stop to read the sign anyway.

Still, for the past few days, we've been existing in a signless world, where I have to communicate to dumb delivery people with hand gestures alone.

Hello! *wave*
Door broken. *frown, waft, *
Use that one! *point point*
Thank you. *smile*

Sometimes it’s necessary to venture outside to rescue confused TNT-Express employees from the Tricky Broken Door Trap.

Anyway, today I decided that I'd had enough. It was cold outside, and there was a large delivery expected. I didn’t want to be responsible for hypothermic delivery guys, tapping on my window all day long. I'd make a replacement "door" sign, making it clear and precise.

"Please Use Other Door" in huge bold text, with a nice handy arrow on it, just to get people pointed in the right direction. I even put our company logo on it. Made sure the font was matching, the borders all lined up, that the colour scheme suited our office décor.

After printing it out, I attached it to the door and stood back, admiring the lovely new sign. No more playing charades with idiots. No longer will I have to brave the shitty London weather to rescue people.

And then I realised.

The damn arrow was pointing the wrong way.

I went grocery shopping last night.

Toilet paper.
Rice.
Vegemite.
Beer.
Random Vegetables.

I had the stereotypical "single" shopping trolley. Frozen Meals - "Pasta for One". Single servings of spaghetti. One lonely little chocolate pudding. It was quite depressing, actually. That was, until I saw other single people walking around the isles with their heads hung low, their feet shuffling along the white linoleum floor.

And, just like me, they were desperately trying to ignore the screaming kids, the whinging babies and the happy pathetic couples that were giggling over which flavor of toothpaste to buy.

Despite that, it was tolerable until I realized that I'd have to drag it all home again! The small pathetic 'single' servings had a benefit after all. Bugger about the metric fuckload of 'single' beers that fell into my trolley...

Then.

Caught the wrong bus. South Harrow is a big place. Especially when you're carrying 30kgs of depressing food in flimsy plastic bags that are designed to rip apart with comical consequences.

Quick! Chase the spaghetti! Damn! Catch the vegemite. Ohfuckinghell. There goes the beer. Godamn.

And that is how exciting my life is!!!

One minute, its April Fools Day, and the next minute, I'm in May wondering how the hell I got here, and why I feel so dogtired. Could it be possible that I've falled through a time-space wormhole, and been kicked out the other side of the month? Perhaps I fell into a deep coma, and nobody informed me. Perhaps I've got some serious navel lint, Buffy Style, that's speeding up the world around me, while I duck and cover under the desk for protection.

All I know, is that my life is making loud whoosing sounds, while I'm tied to the computer desk tapping out meaningless assignments, and mindless code. Such is the lament of the Computer Engineer.

In 20 years time, the Civil Engineers will be able to point to a bridge and say:

"Son, I designed that bridge, and it is my legacy. It will stand, as others around it fall."

A Materials Engineer will be able to point to the same bridge and say:

"Son, I designed the polymetals used to construct that bridge. It will stand, as others around it fall."

Hell, even an Environmental Engineer will be able to point to that sodding bridge and say:

"Son, I helped create a sustainable mine, where that metal could be sourced from. This bridge will stand, as others around it fall."

Where as, poor Computer Systems Engineers, like myself, will be able to point to a Bridge and say:

"Son, I wrote 3 Million lines of code that had nothing to do with that fucking bridge."

Code isn't something you can reach out and touch. It isn't something that can be admired by the public, nor can it be assessed by family and friends who dont know what its about. In 10 years time, my efforts will look pale, and meaningless. I will have done nothing to 'better society' and will have no serious accomplishments, asside from words on a screen. In 10 years time, my code will be so out-dated, that the only way of running it, will be to switch on the beast, and dwell in the memories.

Its also very unrewarding. I spent over 100 hours recreating a program thats been around since the 60's. Its WinPaint, with a spin. Its called "Jacqui's Paint Program" and will unceremoniously crash your computer if you try to implement user interface dialogs with it. Not exactly a cornerstone in society. Not exactly worth any more than a moments notice, and not worth the time invested in it.

I'd rather have April back, and then build a bridge. Being a CodeMonkey sucks.

Under Rug Swept
Well.. I'm bored...
I saw a bloke today, about my interview appraisal for the job that I applied for at the beginning of the year (that I didnt' get)

From what he was saying, it was a narrow descision between me and another for a job. All applicants were ranked, 1-12, for 4 positions. As luck would have it, I was ranked 5th!!

Oh well... I guess there are worse fates in this world. I'm the first reserve should anything untoward happen to any of the current RF's. I dont know if I want the job anyhow!

Other than that, I went around and hung out at Jeremy's place for a bit. He was fast asleep when I arrived, so I went and kicked him awake like old times. Well... there was no actually foot contact, just a bit of noise, and him trying to cover himself up in time. (he sleeps naked)

*hehehe* he's a spaz.

Now I'm at home, playing with all my downloads from last nights Concannon Network Binge. *blows a kiss to Bubble for letting me hijack her computer*

Anyhow... best go eat something...
Pnix.
Bored, hungry, and not really all that excited about uni starting on monday.