September 26, 2005
How to be a Bridesmaid
Now, I know I'm not the only person in the world who has never been a bride, or a bridesmaid. I've never really had much to do with weddings at all. In fact, when my bestest mate "Engineering Girl" asked me to be a part of hers, I immediatly googled all the necessary etiquette required of a Bridesmaid.
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That all sounded fine to me, so I started to become a little over enthusiastic about my role. I added my own special criteria for what makes a top notch Bridesmaid:
All of these were achieved with suitable flair and style, except the drunken hugging and speaching speaking. I'm never good at 'speaking' (honest!) so I took a note from the bride's grand father who said:
"Stand up. Speak up. Shut Up."
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To my best friend and her new husband; May the best of your past, Be the worst of your future.
Posted by Jacqui at 03:04 AM | Comments (0)
March 16, 2005
Life is Good
Some days, I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Usually, these days are longer than usual and feature a thick mix of retards, arseholes and wankers.
However, on the odd occasion, I wake up on the right side of the bed and bound down the stairs like Bambi on kangaroo juice. The sun, bursts through its semi-permanent shroud of gloom and shines down on me. Small furry animals gather at my feet when I sing, and Julie Andrews is a pale comparison when it comes to dancing around hilltops.
This morning, was one of the later.
I woke up. I had a shower. I got dressed. All very non-special, and very much the same as it was the day before. And the day before that, too.
But then I had to make lunch. (I take a lunchbox to work.)
Out of milk.
Oh dear.
Out of bread.
Oh dear.
Time to go over the road to Jims' local convenience store. I skipped across the road to the local bakery, and bought myself a fresh baguette.
0.47p worth of warm, freshly baked, crusty baguette. It was so fresh, it was still hot. So hot, that I had to put it down before I burnt my greedy fingers.
At that point, I could have died happy. I probably should have stopped then - gone back to bed so that nothing could ruin my perfect day.
It's amazing how the little things can make your day. It's now lunchtime and I'm about to go eat my reason for living.
Posted by Jacqui at 04:34 PM | TrackBack
June 01, 2004
Long weekend
Caravanning is something that old people do when they have way too much time on their hands. Well, that's what I had thought, up until 7pm last Friday evening. I had been roped into going to one of these towed homes for the long weekend, and thus, I expected a nice longweekend filled with lots of free time on my hands to do lots of knitting, thumb-twiddling and bird watching, and time enough to exclaim "Gosh, old boy!" in a very dignified manner.
So, I trundled along past Oxford, and through the Thames vally to finally get to this little corner of retiree paradise not looking forward to it in the least. But what I was to discover was that this caravan wasn't the type of caravan to be towed around by snobby Landcruiser owners. It was fixed, with all mod-cons; BBQ, running hot water, Electricity (what?!), TV, and even a Sony Playstation. It was like an uber caravan, a whole 3 bedroom house on wheels. And what made everything so much better was that it wasn't accessible via the road. Totally isolated from civilisation.
To get to this little layed back corner of the world, you had to wait patiently while the ferryman (or spotty-ferry-teen in this instance) guided his small ricketty vessel over the calm and unhurried waters of the River Avon. With so much of this seemingly misplaced unhurriedness, it was easy to get impatient. It's then easy to resign yourself to being trapped in ferry-hell while standing on the riverbank, but by then, most people have spotted the bar looking out over the river. Indifference and impatiance soon gives way to relaxation when the neighbourhood family of swans (Mummy, Daddy, and five little bratty cygnets) cruised past at 'caravan' speed. Everybody takes it easy down that part of the world.
By the time you manage to cross the river, you find out that most of the people on the caravan site were the same. Even the dogs were chilled out. They'd waited so long to get over the ferry, that whatever they had been in a rush about had become seemingly unimportant. Everybody was on holiday. Everybody was living life at caravan-speed. Which, looking back, was really so very simply; especially with so much Whiskey and beer so close at hand.
Posted by Jacqui at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 01, 2003
All you need is love....
Today is a good day.
The last decent weather has finally disapeared leaving us with miserable soaking rain. The cars make a soft swishing sound as they drive past on the wet roads. The skies are grey, and the businessmen all carry black umbrellas. Despite this, there's a greeness about everything. The rain has washed away all the city dust and dirt. Everything is alive. Today is a really good day.
I had homemade cabonara last night for dinner. Beloved and I made it together from scratch. Frank Sinatra sang while we learnt how to cook and how to ignore recipes and follow our own tastes. There's a bowl of it left in my fridge that has my name written all over it. It's the type of food that is so good that it makes "diet" a four letter word. Today is a brilliant day.
I woke up beside Beloved this morning. Before I'd even opened my eyes, I got to roll over and cuddle another person, snuggling into the added warmth that's only associated with puppy dogs, kittens and sleeping boyfriends. The weather has turned cold, everybody is wearing long sleeves and jumpers in the office. I got to wake up with a warm hug. That thought alone keeps me toasty warm.
I have £12 in my bank acount, but I have Beloved to go home to. Today is a brilliant day.
The Beatles had it right, after all.
All ya need is love.. da dada dada....
Posted by Jacqui at 10:34 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 26, 2003
really really hate
List of things that I really really hate:
I really really hate our new phone system at work.
I really really hate not being able to give Beloved a cuddle.
I really really hate not being there for my friends
I really really hate being the office junior
I really really hate the Time Zone difference between London and Brisbane.
I really really hate broken web templates
I really really hate my mobile phone.
I really really hate being woken up at 1am by crazy fucking Sri Lankans.
I really really hate flooding the bathroom
I really really hate the mess on my desk
I really really hate throwing away good food
I really really hate beef in blackbean sauce.
I really really hate feeling like I've disapointed somebody
I really really hate being so far away from those who I love
I really really hate the way the Sunshine Coast is changing
I really really hate Kim Beazley.
I really really hate it when the English beat the Australians. Even at tiddly-winks.
That's it. I've totally run out of hate.
I'm now totally full of overwhelming love for the world. I keep making squishy-faces at the monitor, and wriggling my toes. All the love songs that I've ever heard finally make sense. I can understand all the stupid things they say, I feel like shouting them from the highest building. Love makes me feel like a poet, even though I sound like an idiot.
Posted by Jacqui at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 23, 2003
Happy Birthday from Us.
It's really strange, the things that 'cement' ideas into your head. Some things can exist for ages, without seeming real to the logical part of your mind. It took me a full 3 weeks to understand that I had graduated, for instance. It was only when I received a "Graduate Invoice" from the Institute of Engineers that I fully understood what I had done.
Shit! Look at that! I'm an Engineer!! Rock on!!!
Damn, I have to pay $60...
This weekend, however, I realised something that had nothing to do with Engineering.
I realised that everything that I had been feeling was real. Up until this weekend, the cynical part of my mind kept telling me that this feeling is something that only exists in movies, something that doesn't belong in reality. This type of thing doesn't happen to normal people. This certainly doesn't happen to ME.
I realised I wasn't living in some little fantasy world. I wasn't about to wake up. This was real.
I realised all of this, when I had to sign a birthday card from the two of us.
Lots of love and birthday wishes,
G and J
xxx
I had to look at the card for a minute or two. Seeing both of our names written together finally brought everything home. I wasn't going to wake up. This was reality. This was dirty, gritty, living reality.
I love him so much it makes my head spin. If this is reality, I never want to go to sleep. Even in my dreams, Love never felt so good.
Posted by Jacqui at 11:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 19, 2003
Soft Headed.
This isn't about mathematics.
There is no right or wrong. There's no magical formula that can be solved, no detailed derivations to be calculated. This is more astounding, more complex.
This isn't about computers.
1's and 0's don’t mean anything anymore. There's no CPU fast enough to keep up. Computers cannot create emotion. There is no URL for what I'm feeling. There is no binary sequence that explains it. I cant look up the answers on Google.
This is all about love.
I dont know what I'm doing, I'm walking around with little wings on my shoes. My head is a mess, and I'm full of lyrical words that would make even the softest romantic cringe.
I don't care!
I cant begin to understand it. If I were this clueless about mathematics or computers, I'd be scared out of my mind. But I'm not scared. At the moment I'm the happiest person alive!
34 hours to go until I see him next.
Posted by Jacqui at 10:58 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 16, 2003
Totally Lost.
Um. It's very difficult to know what to write here. I'd almost say its impossible, but for the fact that I'm actually writing something now.
Of course, what I'm writing now has nothing to do with the point of this blog entry, and more to do with the fact that I dont know how to say what I'm thinking.
Dontcha hate it when that happens? Whenever I have something really important to say I seem to get all tongue tied, or as in this case, I start babbling on like a fool.
It seems to happen to me frequenly, but not, for example, when somebody asks me:
"Do you want this?"
As, history will tell, I said one word. Just the one, and it was "Yes".
No babbling at all. Which is cool. But I still really haven't got to the point of this blog entry. My point, which I will get to eventually, means quite a lot to me. Has meant a lot for quite a while. But, nobody knew that.
Not a soul.
Which is really quite surprising, considering the amount of mindless chatter I come out with. But, nobody knew. Not even the person who I most wanted to tell.
But, without naming names (as this is the internet, you understand. I dont want freaky stalker people tracking me down to throw tomatos at me...) and without totally losing my mind, I'll finally get to the whole idea behind this entry.
I love you.
Not you. Him. The one who I know will be reading this with a smile. The one I cant wait to see again. 5 days? Forever.
It scares me to death. It makes me smile when I want to cry. It makes my head spin. I've never felt like this before, so I dont really know what to compare it to.
Like finally making sense of something I never understood. Its like bungy jumping. Like driving fast, or scuba diving. It's like putting the last piece into a jig saw. It's like I've found something I never really knew I'd lost.
Big 'Sorry' to all those out there in cyberspace. I guess I should have said something before, but I never did. But I'll tell you all now.
I'm in love and I dont care who knows it.
Posted by Jacqui at 11:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
May 15, 2003
Molto Bene!
Last night there was supposed to be a gathering for Wi-Fi geeks (wireless internet) at a place in the city called "The Media Club". After work, I wasn't feeling all that sprightly but I decided I'd pop along, have a pint and try and give my social life a bit of a kick.
So, I caught a bus down to Harrow Station. One of the street vendors were selling cheap fruit so I bought 4 punnets of mushy strawberries that were very tasty, but incredibly messy. After eating half a dozen, my hands looked like I'd killed somebody. Covered in red! The poor guy sitting opposite me was trying not to look, but I could tell that he was shocked and dismayed by the spastic covered in strawberry juice!
Got to "Great Portland Street" station rather quickly, and set about familiarising myself with the area. I had backpacked around there earlier in the year, so I knew some of the streets already. Well… I knew one of the streets. The one that I was standing on.
So, with my backpack on my shoulders and a spring in my step I wandered forth in search of the mythical Geek Gathering. I grabbed my map and stepped into the unknown.
30 minutes later, the spring had left my step and my shoulders were aching. I needed to find some likely local and ask for directions. It wasn’t admitting defeat, but I felt defeated anyway.
I walked up to a dude who was sweeping the footpath (obviously a local).
“Hi! Could you tell me where the Media Club is?”
He replied with a thick Italian accent. “Pardon?”
Me: “Media Club?”
Accent: “No. I know not Media Club. Where is he?”
Me: “That’s what I just asked you!”
Mr Accent shrugged.
“Ask Mario. Over there!”
He pointed toward a small, exclusive looking Italian restaurant. It had the candles, the sound of violins and the smell of garlic and wine. I wasn’t really sure if I should ask Mario. It looked like a scene from the Godfather. I could just imagine a Mobster sitting back in his seat, cigar in hand telling ‘Tony’ to ‘rub me out’.
Mario. What an Italian sounding name.
I figured, ah fuckit. I was getting anxious about getting to the Geek Gathering on time. If I died in the process, well… I’d be dead. No point in worrying about it then.
I entered the Italian restaurant with no small amount of trepidation. I noted where all of the exits were.
“Um. Hi. Uh, could you tell me where the, um, Media Club is?” I stammered.
The weathered looking face crinkled, as if trying to work out life’s mysteries. He stroked his chin, and scratched his faded white hair. If this was Mario, he looked more like a teddy bear than a gangster.
“No. I don’t know where this club is. Katie! Louisa!”
Two waitresses came over, more due to the fact that there was a strange looking Australian in their midst. They surrounded me, smiling and speaking Italian. They spoke more with their hands than anything, and I was in danger of being wiped out by a random “turn left” than any violin-case toting mobster.
They came to the final conclusion that they couldn’t help me.
“I don’t want to tell you something wrong, you know what I mean?” I nodded. “Sorry and good luck, eh!”
So, armed with the knowledge of… well, nothing, I ventured back into the street. I waved at the footpath sweeping Mr Accent and pulled out my map once more.
15 minutes later, I discovered the “Media Center”. By all appearances, it was a front for journalists and reporters. BBC Central. GMTV. Not exactly the place where Geeks would meet for a quiet pint or two, while discussing Wi-Fi. My shoulders drooped even lower. I ripped up my damn map.
I’d been sent to the wrong Media. So, somewhere in this city of 20 million people, there was a small “Media Club” now filled with Geeks. Geeks who were chatting about geeky things. They were where I wanted to be and there was no hope in hell finding it without some form of divine intervention.
So, I gave up plan A, and tried to think of a plan B.
I started pacing. I felt stupid and a little lost. So, I rang my family in Wales.
“Hey… you’ll never guess what happened….”
They laughed. I laughed. Everything seemed less disastrous and just a little bit funny. I then decided to go and visit Mario again. Mario and the awesome smelling Italian restaurant. Mario of the white hair and crinkled smile.
So I did.
The staff showered me with smiles and kept passing me amaretto biscuits. The chicken with mushrooms, pepper, white wine and cream was divine. The coffee was out of this world. The place was filled with aging Italians, laughing heartily over their hearty meals. Phrases like “Mama mia!” and “Molto bene!” seemed to fit in perfectly with the boisterous conversations and the fine white wine.
After my meal, I sat there grinning for no reason, other than sheer happiness. I came to London to find something, but ended up finding something much better.
I should write a Thank You letter to Mr Accent.
Posted by Jacqui at 10:59 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 21, 2002
Know its Springtime
I know its springtime when I can completely forget about reality while watching ducklings swimming across the Japanses Gardens.
Picture this... Girl, storming back towards home after a day of classes and very little sleep. She's just heard word that a website that she's helping to build has crashed, leaving her to pick up the pieces.
She's unimpressed. Add to that scene 3 bus loads of old grannies walking through the park due to the lovely pretty flowers, and it being Garden Week.
Then, watch as the girl trips over, curses, then blushes when one of the old biddies gasps in horror at her language. The girl is tired, embarrased, narky and now she has a sore knee from where it collided with the ground.
The girl must walk past the lake in order to get home, and cannot walk faster than a snail, as the old biddies may throw their hips out. The path isn't wide enough to attempt an overtake, so she's stuck in a scene that smacks of Mr Bean.
Now.. as she gets closer to the lake watch as her face melts. The frustration and angst just wash away with one big almighty sigh when she spies several fluffy ducklings swimming franticly to keep up with Mamma Duck.
*awwwwwww*
Ducklings.
Cute, fuzzy wuzzy quackers.
I stood there gushing over these wee cuties for about ten minutes before the real world caught back up with me. I love spring time.
Its the time of year when all the pretty, fluffy, fuzzy, sneezy things appear. Love it.
Posted by Jacqui at 11:17 PM | Comments (0)
August 01, 2002
Surprise
Surprise!
Today seemed to be the day for meeting up with people. Must have been in the stars or something! Wherever I went I seemed to bump into people I hadn't seen in a while.
Waltsed into Uni to see Mr Head about the project, which went surprisingly well. No strips were torn, no heads knocked. In fact, I was complimented on being one of the better students... *chuffed* It was very probably a whole big load of codshit, but I'm willing to ignore that fact and dwell on the warm and fuzzies.
Go me.
After the photocopier discovered my Unicard was broken, I decided I needed to go bust sculls in the Student Union to try and reclaim my $20 that had somehow vanished. Crossing the Quad, I see a familiar figure waving at me gleefully, before racing towards me with hugging arms widespread.
Actors. I was surrounded.
I loved it.
Ads, Bri and J-man made me feel all tingly inside as we swapped the latest goss, and gushed over the fact that we were all going to graduate at the end of the year. They've changed so much since I took them under the wing when they first moved to college. My ickle firsties are all growed up. I'm such a proud geeky R.A. Cant wait to see their final year showcase. They have talent simply oozing from their skin.
Then, bumped into the dynamic duo, Cooties and Mashew. *squishy face* Had a good old goss-speak with them, talking about idiotic software companies (geeks, who?) and about how I am supposed to go out tomorrow night to the Club's Snow Party.
"I'll think about it."
Then, I get home, only to be visited by Hides with her new automobile!!!! *big cheer from the crowd* Its a nifty Toyota something.or.other that has yet to get a nickname. My first impression was "Egg", as its all white and contoured. Very aerodynamic, very egg-like. But, I dont know how well that suggestion went down.
Of course, Hides had given me fair warning about her visit, so I had time to prepare Mars Bar Slice, and lock my keys in the car, and burn a mars bar in the super-dooper saucepan, and take the Pen-Plan to phase 2.
Pen-Plan - To slowly phase out the dorky awkward pegs that are annoying as hell to use, yet mum refuses to replace. Phase two involved hiding a few on the shed roof. If she wont replace them, I'll slowly loose them. Phase three involves training the dog next door to chew pegs into a satisfactory state of disrepair, thereby rendering them totally useless.
Ugh. Anyway, reguardless of my best efforts of sabbotage, the slice worked out quite well, thankyouverymuch, even when I fucked up the topping part by putting caramel into it instead of honey. Then, to totally fuckup the recipe, I put crushed peanuts on the top as well. Might not look anything like the pictures, but it damn well tastes good!
Since then, I've just drifted around the house, feeling a little lost. I know I should sit down and get stuck into either report writing or program reconstructing... but at the moment, I'm feeling a little out of the groove.
Or, rather, I'm in the wrong groove. My head isn't wrapping around TCP/IP fundamentals at the moment. Could be the fact that I've had too many Mars Slices, or that I've had just a little too much coffee.
Anyhow best go groove somewhere else.
Doyle.
Oh, btw, found out where my $20 went on my Unicard. Turns out I had 4 university student ID's in circulation, and the money was on the card that was slyly hidden in my wallet. Sneaky bastards just wanted to confuse me. Now have only 2. Couldn't part with my original '98 vintage card.
Posted by Jacqui at 10:41 PM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2002
Annoying as all Hell
Annoying as all hell
Ok, well, I've just dipped into the realm of the borderline obsessive compulsive. I downloaded a radio interview of Elijah Wood when he was filming "Try Seventeen" in Brittish Columbia.
Is it me, or are all Canadian Radio Personalities total fuckwits? He's a walking advertisment for Drug Control. He's busy hitting the speed just a little too much....
Otherwise, the interview is pretty good.. being a perfect illustration of the real lives that people have behind the hollywood gloss. I actually feel sorry for the headliners, as I'd hate to be under such constant scrutiny.
"Jacqui Doyle runs out of milk, seen at the local shops in ugg boots and paint splattered t-shirt"
Piffle. I like the way I live. I can drive in traffic, be obnoxious, swear randomly, and people wont give a fuck. Making a total dork of myself wont be splashed up on the nightly news, and my retarded fashion sence wont be eyed over by Entertainment Tonight. I love the fact that I can sit here on my balcony wearing a ripped jersey, wearing socks and stained tracky dacks without a telephoto zoom lens catching me in all my awkward glory.
"Doyle falls over step, spills coffee down herself, then invents a new level of inapropriate swearing."
Ak. Love my life. Hate all drugfucked radio personalities.
Oh... remind me to get the coffee stains out of my cargo's.
Posted by Jacqui at 01:07 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2002
blogging for the incredibly stressed
Blogging for the incredibly stressed
Ok... so, I know that reading these silly questionairs is tedious and not really anybody's ideal way of spending their free time, but you must forgive me. I have a Project Presentation today... and to say that I'm stressed would be to call Sydney Harbour a puddle.
In the words of the great Michelangelo: You what what on the fucking cieling?
01.My name is--Jacqui
02.I may seem--Geeky, Quirky, or... incourigable, as one lecturer put it.
03.But I'm really-- not that geeky, and probably a little stranger than I may first appear
04.People who know me think I'm-- Smarter than I actually am.
05.If you knew me you'd probably-- tell me that I'm too stressed out.
06.Sometimes I feel -- Like I want to just fly away.
07.In the morning I-- am not a happy camper. Mornings are not my time of the day.
08.I like to sleep-- from 3am - 11am.
09.If I could be doing anything right now I would be-- cuddling up to Dominic Monaghan...
10.Money is-- something I dont want to have to worry about.
11.One thing I wish I had is-- spare time.
12.One thing I have that I wish I didn't is-- An Engineering Presentation at 2pm.
13.All you need is-- Honesty, and Understanding.
14.All I need is-- Sleep, and a bit of free time to do creative things...
15.If I had one wish it would be-- To end all wars.
16.Love is-- "Falling asleep in somebody's arms"
17.My body-- likes to get its revenge by making me sneeze 12 million times in a row.
18.If an angel flew into my window at night I would-- probably throw something at it.
19.If a demon crashed into my window I would-- definatly throw something at it.
20.If I could see one person right now it would be-- Dan, to say goodbye to him before he leaves for France.
21.Something I want but I don't really need is-- a portable MP3 player.
22.Something I need but I don't really want is-- a Dr Appointment.
23.I live for-- the weekends.
24.I dare you all to-- make a crazy "Doyle-like" analogy, and say it in public without laughing.
25.I am afraid of-- Spiders and Snakes... and Pie Graphs.
26.It makes me angry when-- I see children getting abused.
27.I dream about-- my teeth falling out.
28.I daydream about-- Graduating.
Public Speaking is much like uncooked spaghetti.... Its just a little bit hard to digest on an empty stomach.
Posted by Jacqui at 01:32 AM | Comments (1)