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April 27, 2004
Scared.
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
- Yoda, "Empire Strikes Back"
I'm afraid of few things in this world more than the destruction of the mind. Once the mind turns on itself, there's very little that anybody can do to help. Depression, self-harm, anxiety attacks and substance abuse all freak me out. It's not a physical problem. You can't just slap a slab of plaster on the soul, and expect it to heal itself in 6 weeks. Mental disease is a horrible curse that not only eats away at the victim, but also the friends, family and loved ones.
I have a friend. I've known her for about 2 years now, through a site we both post at. She's a lot younger than me, but she has always been older than her years. Lately, she's begun to self harm. Cutting herself with razors, pins and knives; Anything that will leave a mark.
It makes me sick to my stomach. The physical pain can be cured, cuts will mend in time, but her soul keeps getting darker. She rejects advice and sneers at her parents as if they were there solely to destroy her life. She won't see their fear. She hurts those around her, and then hates herself for doing it.
I don't know what I can do to help. I don't even know if I can help.
Part of me wants to scream and rage at her, slap her hard and make her see sense. Part of me wants to crawl away and refuse to deal with the problems and the hurt that she's brought me. And part of me stands there helpless, unable to decide what to do.
Posted by Jacqui at April 27, 2004 02:13 PM
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