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March 05, 2004
Cybercondria
As part of my job, I answer support calls. I've had my fair share of funnies as well as the infuriating calls where our user doesn't hesitate to bring his personal issues (or my supposed lack of competence) into the frame when dealing with a disgruntled printer (Here's a hint: They don't work if you don't switch them ON!)
All this is all part of being on a help desk, but the calls that I absolutely adore are our regulars. People who just call up, chat about the weather, chat about their families and casually say: "Oh yeah, you'll need to send out a technician because I threw my computer from our 4th story window." Lovely people. Truly. It's cathartic to speak to them in the midst of fsk when everything is fragged.
We have one regular in particular who is an absolute joy to speak to.
"Mark" calls up at least once a day. He's a NetAdmin with around 20 computers in his stable, so he naturally has more problems. He has quite a few problems; "cybercondria" is one of them. Everything is wrong, always, nothing ever works. Nevertheless, I enjoy his calls:
"I've got Netsky. The sky is falling. The Internet is DOOOOMED!"
"Bagle just ate my brain. Save me, Jacqui, darling, I'll do anything if you just get my network WORKING!"
"I've just got a virus on the Mac server! I didn't know there were Mac viruses! Woe is me!"
"Jacqui-babe. Help me. I deleted a hosts file!"
It's all straight forward things, but I just love the way he speaks. Very proper English, very endearing, always amusing. It's like liquid silk, hearing an aristocratic accent swear like a sailor. And it's always so easy to do my job when those who ask for your help believe you are the Goddess of the Internet, Patron Saint of the Pixel.
"Oh damn it, Giles! I've buggered the partition table! Do you have any champagne, my good fellow?"
Posted by Jacqui at March 5, 2004 01:33 PM
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