I'm not a fan of wearing makeup.
While my sisters seem to have enviable talent with paintbrush and mascara wand, I'm artistically challenged to the point where putting on eyeliner is a hazard to my health. I cant seem to stay inside the lines. You can be sure that whenever the "fake-up bag" comes out, there'll be a lot of colourful language, hissing and swearing on my behalf.
I don't enjoy it at all, so I cant fathom any of the Cosmo girls. How anybody can spend that much time applying gunk to their face is something I'll never quite understand.
Another item on the All Time Most Hated list are trains.
I've had a few really terrible experiences lately, so lets just say that I'd rather have red hot pokers shoved up my nose, rather than sitting on a smelly, broken down train. Virgin Rail is not my friend. Not even when they give me a 50% discount ticket for running over 135 minutes late. (Yes, 135 minutes!).
Logically, it could then be assumed that having to put makeup on while in a train would be the Granddaddy of pet peeves. I wasn't looking forward to it, but the time came when there simply wasn't any time. I needed to be ready for a gig as I stepped off the train. Step onto the train looking bedraggled and forlorn, step off the train looking like a rock star's girlfriend. Could it be done? Would it be done? Should it even be attempted?
After stumbling and bashing about the small smelly train toilet while changing my clothes, I wasn't really looking forward to it. Would I survive my two biggest irritations in the world?
You're damn right I survived.
And I loved every second of it! It's the best thing in the whole entire world. It's "Extreme Make-Up". It should be a televised sport. It's a magical cross between surfing and art all wrapped into a flurry of noisy excitement.
I could almost hear the commentators:
"Here we go, Rabs. She's bringing out the eyeliner!"
"This is a tricky stage, Fatman. One wrong move and she'll be totally disqualified and completely blind in one eye."
"haha, yeah, it's hard to see through Mabeline Khoal."
Ah har!
As I bounced off one side of the toilet and crashed into the other, I magically applied the best ever eyeliner line you've ever seen. Of course, it was difficult to see it while the mirror swayed and shimmied all of the place. But then, I guess it really doesn't matter. I've just found me a hobby!
Extreme Makeup.
Who'da thunk it?
