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October 22, 2003
Watching the world drive by
It's sometimes so very hard to believe that so many people exist on this small little island. I've heard it said that there's over 60,000,001, by popular estimate. Sixty Million living, breathing, squawking, eating, whinging individuals. Give or take a few hundred thousand. Well, I think that most of them were stuck in the traffic jam on the M5, along with two tired, disgruntled Motocross spectators on Sunday night.
Instead, I sat there pushing the buttons on the radio trying to get a signal and getting fed up when all I could here was static and techno static. I sat there, saying words that meant nothing just so I could keep myself awake, so I could keep Beloved awake. I felt both useless and helpless as he drove us both home.
I sat there, feeling tired and a little shell-shocked watching the snake of halted traffic curl toward the horizon. It was the type of sight that makes you wish you were a bird so you could just jump up and fly away or even a hedgehog so you could curl up in a ball and ignore the world. It's also the type of sight that sends a lead weight into your stomach when you realise you're not going to get home to your warm, safe and welcoming bed for another fistful of hours.
I didn't really know what to do. Screaming was an option.
What stopped me from getting out of the van and diving headfirst into oncoming traffic was the person sitting beside me. My love. Knowing that he was stuck in this jam because he was driving me home caused a slight pang of guilt. I tried to make it up to him with some decent conversation skills, but they left a lot to be desired. A Lot. I settled on helping him pay out all the other dumb drivers that were sitting motionless around us. Like the dimwit with no headlights on and the clutch-hating Postal truck.
It was still fairly early when we got home. Early enough to consider making dinner for about 2 nanoseconds before we both passed out. It really wasn't an option. Food was not on the list of priorities. Sleep was the only thing that mattered. The last thing I remember was stealing some of the blankets and wrapping an arm around Beloved's deeply unconscious form. He probably doesn't remember it, and I dont think it matters anyway, but just before I fell asleep I whispered "I love you" and softly kissed him. And I do love him. Totally and completely.
And that moment was the only thing I needed to make me realise that I am the luckiest person in the world.
Posted by Jacqui at October 22, 2003 09:18 AM
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Comments
Don't feel guilty Jac. I did/do it for Rae Deane all the time and LOVE doing it for her. I drive her everywhere everytime, even if it takes me hundreds of miles out of my way. She probably feels that slight pang of guilt too. No need. That's what a good guy does for the gal he loves.
BTW you are the 2nd luckiest person in the world...
Posted by: Steve at March 10, 2004 09:14 PM