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October 12, 2003
Stupid tears.
I was looking forward to Friday afternoon all week. It's the sort of thing that most people do throughout the week, as they toil away at their frequently boring jobs. I had a few reasons to daydream about Friday afternoon, not the least being the weekend. No work. Freedom away from the keyboard! It was like a tropical paradise, but without the palm trees and minus the cocktails with a lot less suntan lotion. In fact, it was nothing like a tropical paradise at all considering I live in London, but in comparison to being chained to my desk it sounded like bliss. The second reason for looking forward to Friday was Beloved. He'd be arriving in his big blue bus, bringing with him a weeks worth of love and cuddles.
Between us lies a four hour journey, be it via road or rail. I spent most of that four hours impatiently marching the length of my room (all 4 metres of it) and watching the second hand drag its slow arse around the clock face. He eventually arrived and I threw myself at him without checking to see if it was really him knocking on my door. I managed to ascertain his identity between kisses, so you'll all be happy to know that I didn't throw myself at a total stranger (or worse, my housemate!).
For the most part of the weekend, we slouched around in a muddle of blankets and kisses, not really caring about the world outside of my bedroom walls. We went to see "Finding Nemo" (brilliant!) and got drunk while talking and eating and kissing and not letting go of one another. As a side note it's quite amazing how, when other people do it, constantly leaning over chilli nachos to plant a smooch can be totally sappy and worthy of a few ("Mushy bastards") muttered ("Ugh. Sickening!") words ("Get a room!"). But when it's part of your own world, it seems just as important as breathing. I may just have to work a little harder next time, to avoid getting cheese stains on my shirt.
It's now Sunday and Beloved has just started the long four hour journey home. I'm going to ring him in a moment, just because I can. Before he left, I had a minor issue with my eyes. They started leaking of their own accord, dripping moisture all over the place. Sometimes, it's really amazing to let somebody hold you while you just cry. But I wasn't really crying. Not really. I was just sad and happy and in love. That's what girls do when they feel too much - they let the pressure out of their head by releasing some of the water. So, I cried and he held me and told me I was a silly git for ever thinking silly thoughts.
We'll be together one day, and then we won't have to say goodbye every Sunday night. We won't have to cram a weeks worth of love and cuddles into two days. When we're finally together, we can do everything without feeling rushed, without feeling like we're on some game show count down to Sunday night. A life with Beloved? That's not a silly thought, that's better than a tropical paradise!
Posted by Jacqui at October 12, 2003 08:44 PM
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Comments
Tears are never "stupid". They water the soul. ;)
Posted by: Bjoern at October 13, 2003 07:40 PM
*HUGS* for you baby cakes!
Posted by: Joseph (It's me!) at October 15, 2003 03:53 PM
Hi, I'm from Brazil and I'd pass here quickly, but I'd like your blog. Really good. See ya...
Posted by: Lucas at October 20, 2003 03:08 PM
Well, as you know, I've had to go through the same thing with Kyle. Usually it was 2 weeks to 2 months for us between seeing each other, so I totally understand! It is really, really hard, but I think it's easier knowing that you will see him again. And, when you finally get to be there with him...get to see him everyday...it's paradise! And you don't take it for granted. :)
Posted by: Barbara at November 11, 2003 03:17 AM