Strange.
Warning: Cynical, Contemplative Post.

Being Human is so bloody strange. I have to admit, I haven't had much experience being any other species, but, when you think about it, humans are crazy. We're all just as insane as each other, and its a damn miracle that we haven't blown ourselves out of existence.

For one, we have to feel things so thoroughly. We have emotions that can be twisted and manipulated, and we have this insane idea that life has a happy ending. Every child in the world grows up believing that they will live happily ever after, while the majority of us will lead 'average' lives, doing nothing remotely remarkable.

There are 6 billion people in this world, and each of them has consciousness. That's 6 billion thoughts, dreams, hopes and activities that are happening every single moment. While you sit here reading this, somebody will be crying, being born, waging war, getting married, dyeing, laughing, experiencing every feeling within the spectrum of human emotion. Every single moment, every heartbeat.

I sometimes get really afraid of becoming average. Of slipping through this world without doing anything outstanding, without doing anything to improve the place where I exist. I start thinking of my life as such a tiny thing, so quick, so meaningless. I was born. I graduated High school. I'll graduate University. I'll get a job. I'll probably settle down. I'll probably have kids. Have a mortgage. I'll work for the next 20 years to pay off the life that I've chosen, and then retire. I'll be a feisty old grandma. No doubt I'll loose either my eyesight, my hearing, or my grip of reality. Perhaps all three. Then I'll shuffle off. I'll leave this world to the generations to come.

My life as a summary. So damn quick, and so... ordinary. Yet, there's six billion people in the world that are doing the same thing. Six billion people who are just shuffling through the various stages of life.

So, what is the deal? How do I actually live my life, instead of just surviving it? I know that nobody really has the answers, aside from the obligatory 42. Are we just supposed to enjoy our travels? Try to stay happy as we flow through our existence? If so, then what the hell am I doing busting my ass doing engineering and IT?

Do we look forward to the rest and relaxation of the hereafter? Death seems nice, when compared to Computer Controlled Systems Exams, and Project Nightmares...

Am I being paranoid? Is there something that I'm just not understanding? Is there some fundamental piece of information that I'm missing? Not to sound geeky or anything, but its like I'm trying to communicate without knowing any language. I'm trying to survive by playing a mammoth game of charades.

Jac - afraid of being ordinary.