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April 22, 2002
Ashes to Ashes.
Ashes to Ashes.
When Taffy, our family Labrador, died when I was a kid my family told me that she'd gone to "Doggy Heaven", where she could chase sticks and cats to her hearts content. There was enough water for her to swim in, plenty of plastic hoses that she could chew up, and she would be given enough food to make her the happiest dog in the world. They made it sound like paradise, a place I wouldn't mind going to myself someday.
Yet, it was all a lie. Its a nice daydream that they tell kids to stop them feeling like shit. Told to stop them mourning some tiny little animal, and sending their little minds into turmoil.
Sometimes I wish that the curtain handn't been lifted, and I could just slip back into that naive existence. I wouldn't have to deal with death, with violence, or with hefty phone bills. Instead, I could sit here and honestly believe that Fish#34 is swimming in the Ocean in the Sky with all his fishy friends. He's up there, flipping his tiny orange fins, waving at me from Fishy Heaven.
However, the bubble of childlike innocence was popped along time ago, and I'm fully aware of what has happened to my poor pish. Quite simply, he died a horrible lonely death. From what I can tell, he died of heavy water poisoning from the shithouse Toowoomba water supply. His little body is still at the bottom of the tank in a strange parody of life.
His mate, Fish#33 died a few months ago, and he's been listless and unhappy ever since. I half expected him to curl up his fins that instant, yet... he battled on. He continued to sit at the bottom of his little tank, looking out at the cruel world. I should have got him a friend to play with. I should have got him a bigger tanks. I should have left his water the way it was. I should have told him how much I loved him.
So, now I'm fishless, and very sad.
The little guy had been the longest surviving fish since my college days. He was well over 2.5 years old. He starred in a few home videos, and was a talented mime artist. He could mime along to Frank Sinatra better than any marine creature that has ever graced this earth.
He didn't have a name, as it was considered bad luck to name fish. So, here's to you Mr Nameless Orange Fish. May you find happiness in the Big Ocean in the Sky, and have heaps of fun with all your fishy friends. You were a great little guy, and will be missed.
All my fishy love,
Jac.
Posted by Jacqui at April 22, 2002 09:29 PM